


Bad Religion

by snowcobo



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, F/F, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Unrequited Love, i guess??, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 21:51:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8302541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowcobo/pseuds/snowcobo
Summary: “It would not hurt me.” Arthur began. “It is quite a bad religion, to have brought me to my knees – it may even be a one man cult...  and I could never make her love me.”“She is just another woman, Arthur. You make her seem like a goddess.”Guinevere was just a woman.“But she is a goddess.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe this is a huge metaphor for my own experience in same-sex unrequited love. Or maybe this is something I genuinely see in Arturia and Guinevere's dynamic that was never explored in Fate. This is heavily based on my own experiences and inspired by Frank Ocean's 'Bad Religion' (go listen to it.) Please leave a kudo and do leave comments with what you thought; it would mean a lot!

Arthur turned to Guinevere. 

She sat at her side upon the shorter of their two thrones (though by a comparison of their heights, Guinevere was at equal standing to herself at the moment). Her chin was raised with pride and her violet eyes glittered with a curious ferocity that she could not imagine possessing for herself. Her blue dress matched Arthur’s own noble robes. Her fine black hair was tied back in the style that Arthur had shown her – a tight, braided bun. The golden crown upon her head was crafted skillfully to a perfect fit to her skull; and it looked beautiful. 

She was the absolute and ideal image of a woman to her – and perhaps to Camelot. The woman Arthur could never be – or perhaps, the woman that Arthur had long sworn off. 

But she felt no envy. No malice, no hatred. Never, not with Guinevere. In fact… it was an indiscernible affection… but did Arthur really know anything about warmth and affection?

As she had with foreign matter, Arthur tried to shake her head and forget it. It was easiest to forget that her heart beat a little faster whenever she glanced towards the other woman, that her head felt warmer and that breathing became so much harder. 

Guinevere was just another woman.

 

She could have had another queen – Merlin had given her the choice of many women of whom she felt nothing for. Burning lust? Perhaps. They were attractive and promising in what they offered – Merlin gave visuals of them. But when she thought back to the day she had caught sight of Her beautiful face, she had ultimately concluded that it was her – and that she would love her. She was perfect.

Hers was a face she easily remembered, and whose name she never forgot because it played on her tongue easily, even after so long – even after a few extramarital affairs. So when Merlin asked Arthur who she would wed, there was no real thought or hesitation behind her reply, “Guinevere.”

“You don't mean Leodegrance’s daughter do you, my liege?” Merlin blinked. 

“Of course I do,” Arthur said. “I have known her for a long time.”

“Really? I don't recall you two meeting.” Merlin tilted his head and perked a brow.

“... No, not quite, but… I feel that she would be the best choice.” Arthur murmured, her cheeks tinting red at the thought.

“You are not marrying for love, my liege.” Merlin said curtly.

“What?” Arthur jerked her head up. 

“I am asking you to marry a woman – not because of any affections you have, but for the better of the kingdom.” Merlin tucked his hands within his robes and shrugged, as if the concept was not too ridiculous to speak of. As if this were only natural. 

“What does that mean? Is marriage not a communion between–”

“A man and a woman – for the betterment of each other.”

“I have already discarded my sex for my kingship, and discarding it once more for this will not be an issue so if this is for the betterment of each other, then–”

“The definition of betterment within noble marriage differs from what you know.” Merlin interrupted. “I know what you feel and it is a liability for our court. You must not marry Guinevere or else you will become undone.”

“But I will.” Arthur protested. “I will not have anyone else. You may be my advisor, but no potion or amount of spellcasting will my sway my words. If the future depends on this marriage… so be it. I would have it with no one else.”

Merlin’s eyes widened… and then narrowed. The blooming flowers in his iridescent locks wilted as he met Arthur’s emerald gaze that burned unyieldingly to his warnings. 

“... Very well. So it shall be.” Merlin sighed.”I will send word of your proposal to King Leodegrance’s court with great haste.”

“As it is.” Arthur conceded.

 

Guinevere was as beautiful as Arthur had remembered her being, if not more. 

The distance between the two had made her heart throb fondly against her chest – and to now be face to face with her before the Church...

“King Arthur,” Guinevere greeted her quietly, just below the Archbishop’s speech.

“Princess – Qu-Queen Guinevere,” Arthur stammered. 

“It is an honor to meet you.” Guinevere gave her a small smile.

“As it is an honor for me as well.” What a fool she must be making of herself… She stood painfully erect before Guinevere, who, in her beautiful white dress, seemed effortless with her poised posture.

“I would like to thank you for your service in aiding my father.” Guinevere said.

“Of course. In his loyalty to me, I must show loyalty to him.” Arthur’s voice stiffened. She… wasn’t sure why she expected talk of anything but that, but… it was something to talk about. “... You look lovely,” she said breathlessly.

Guinevere widened her eyes and the smile on her lips grew. “Thank you, your highness. You look handsome.”

Handsome. She was handsome to her.

Arthur involuntarily chuckled. “Thank you.”

They both fell silent once the Archbishop pointed his gaze to Arthur. 

“Arthur, King of Camelot. Wilt thou have this Woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?”

“I will.” Arthur said, simply, but voluminously. 

The Archbishop turned to Guinevere.

“Guinevere, princess of Cameliard. Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?”

In much a manner like Arthur’s, Guinevere repeated, “I will.”

They made steady procession to the Altar within the Church. The Archbishop lead them. King Leodegrance held Guinevere’s hand and Arthur walked alone. Behind them, their invitees took their seats along the church pews – their families taking to the front, other nobles following suit and their friends sat in the rest.

They reached the altar.

Leodegrance leaned down and whispered something into Guinevere’s ear before he gave her hand to the Archbishop and took his seat at one of the foremost pews. The archbishop also took Arthur’s hand and placed her palm upward as he set Guinevere’s hand atop, their right palms meeting.

“Here, they shall exchange their vows.” The Archbishop announced. He turned first to Arthur. “I, Arthur, take thee Guinevere to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, for fairer or fouler, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us depart, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereunto I plight thee my troth.”

Arthur gulped dryly, almost unable to repeat the words… in awe of Guinevere’s soft gaze towards her… but she, of course, did so. 

Guinevere smiled at her.

The Archbishop turned to Guinevere. “I, Guinevere, take thee Arthur to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to be bonny and buxom at bed and at board, to love and to cherish, till death us depart, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereunto I plight thee my troth.”

Guinevere repeated it easily.

They parted their hold upon each other's hands and the Archbishop presented, upon a velvet pillow, two silver bands. 

“Bless these Rings, O merciful Lord, that those who wear them, that give and receive them, may be ever faithful to one another, remain in your peace, and live and grow old together in your love, under their own vine and fig tree, and seeing their children's children. Amen,” He recited.

He plucked one ring from the pillow and handed it to Arthur, who, with shaking hands, held it delicately between her fingers. He recited another oath. “With this Ring I thee wed, and with my body I thee honor,and with all my worldly goods I thee endow; In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

Arthur repeated the oath; she placed the ring upon Guinevere’s thumb: to wed. She placed it upon her index finger to honor. She did so upon her ring finger to endow. For the Father, of the Son and the Holy Spirit; amen.

The Archbishop presented the second ring to Guinevere and she repeated the same process.

The Archbishop then directed them to kneel before him – and they did so. The rest of the company within the church bowed their heads. 

“Let us pray.. O Eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life; Send thy blessing upon these thy servants, this man and this woman, whom we bless in thy Name; + that, as Isaac and Rebecca lived faithfully together, so these persons may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant betwixt them made, whereof this Ring given and received is a token and pledge, and may ever hereafter remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according to thy laws; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen,” He preached.

Arthur shook her leg, out of nervous habit, but also impatience by how drawn out the wedding was… but she stole a glance of Guinevere’s gown in the midst of their bowed prayer. 

“Our Father.” The church echoed.

The Archbishop joined the hands of Arthur and Guinevere once more. 

“Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder.”

He looked up to the crowd who longer bowed their head in prayer and returned their gazes. “Forasmuch as Arthur and Guinevere have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have given and pledged their troth each to the other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a Ring, and by joining of hands; I pronounce therefore that they be Man and Wife together, in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

Arthur and Guinevere rose. 

“God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favour look upon you; and so fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so live together in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting. Amen.” He concluded. 

He directed Arthur and Guinevere to face each other. 

Arthur sighed a sigh of relief that the ceremony – the long-winded speech – all that was over. But..

Guinevere’s fair face wore serenity all around – unlike Arthur’s own red coloration that stuck out; all the more as it contrasted with the deep blue of her robes. 

She looked out the corner of her eyes at the attending crowd. They leaned forward with anticipation, eyes wide, some mouths agape. She looked to Guinevere whose brows now bore a slight furrow, and who too surveyed her side of the church. Arthur, took a nervous step forward, and in the crowd… Kay raised two hands at level and low height, to represent Arthur and Guinevere and pressed their lips to– Oh! Of course! Sir Ector noticed the gesture and harshly elbowed him.

Arthur cleared her throat softly and Guinevere turned back to her quickly. They grabbed eachothers hands, and looked into eachothers eyes… 

“Are you ready?” Arthur whispered.

“... As ready as I’ll ever be,” Guinevere chuckled.

Time seemed to slow as they leaned closer to each other and sealed their holy matrimony with a soft, and clumsy kiss. The moment their lips met, the crowd cheered, petals flew into the air, and they rose to applaud the newly wed couple.

Arthur pushed forward to deepen the kiss – 

– but Guinevere had already backed away.

Embarrassed, Arthur looked to the cheering crowds before Guinevere could shoot her a look – an angry one, likely.

She shouldn’t have tried that.

She really shouldn’t have tried that.

She should be happy with that one kiss. Their first kiss – their only kiss.

By the feel of her lips alone, Guinevere might have already suspected something amiss… and she should be happy to even share a ring and throne room now – and she hoped, forever.

 

She watched Guinevere, lovingly from afar. Her judgements had proved her correct, at least. She was a fair queen, loved by all who met her. Loved by her knights, and though reluctantly, even by Merlin. For what love she received, she had twice as much to give… but Arthur never received the love that she yearned for. 

Was it not enough to be called her husband? Her king? 

Or was it wrong to expect more? The touch of her lips, her warm embrace and her voice reciting three words?

As a king, Arthur was already indulgent, but so she happily accepted the sacrifice – seeing her a face was enough, she told herself.

But so was praying every time she was in church for the love and time she would never have. God had stopped being her higher power. It was then this woman – who, yes, noticed her, but had never the time to spare to notice the love that exuded from Arthur or return it. A different kind of love – the butterflies, the fire and perhaps, death itself by how it choked so hard on her heart. 

It brought her king to her knees. And she prayed, holy, though this woman made her blasphemous. She was within inches of heaven when she saw her smile, but the gates remained locked.

It wasn’t she that had the key to heaven, but Lancelot – her fairest knight, her best friend.

Of course, she was envious, but not angry. In fact, it made a lot of sense that it would be him. He was more than half the man she could ever wished to be and twice the knight. Rather… he was actually a man and actually a knight.

“... Please forgive me,” Guinevere confessed to Arthur. “It appears that I have fallen for Sir Lancelot.”

Arthur blinked numbly at her queen. She couldn’t find the words – she couldn’t even find the feeling. So she gave no reaction for moments to pass.

“Arthur..?” Guinevere spoke up again, fear making her voice tremble.

“I am glad you found someone you love, Guinevere.” Arthur replied (all too quickly).

“Really?” Guinevere blinked. 

“Yes, really. I want you to be happy. So if this is how you will be happy…” Arthur trailed off.

“... Thank you, my king.” 

As long as she was happy – and as long as Arthur could catch even a glimpse of heaven…

If she could go to her door and feel the warmth of where her hand was, then she was fine with being locked out. 

 

“Is she all you had hoped she’d be?” Merlin asked.

“And more.” Arthur said. 

“She’s your wife. And she’s with your best friend.” Merlin rested his chin upon his tented fingers. “Will you really allow this to go on? I warned you.”

“... It will be so. It causes no problems.” Arthur smiled at Merlin foolishly. “Lancelot is a good man… more than one I could ever be. Guinevere deserves a man, not a girl who pretends to be one.”

“You could use a prayer.” Perhaps Merlin had said it as a jest… but it caused a twinge in the king’s heart.

“It would not hurt me.” Arthur began. “It is quite a bad religion, to have brought me to my knees – it may even be a one man cult... and I could never make her love me.”

“She is just another woman, Arthur. You make her seem like a goddess.”

Guinevere was just a woman.

“But she is a goddess.”


End file.
